I remember when my twin told me she was pregnant. And, although I was so happy for her, I was also so sad for myself. At that time, I had been trying for eight months. I understand there are others who try for years. But, at that moment, I was disappointed. I remember that night, before going to bed, and praying, asking God why I had to still wait. When would it be my turn?
But, as soon as those words came out of my mouth, I also felt this guilt. You see, for the first 3 months of trying, I was praying for a baby. One day, I realized a baby was in God's timing. So after that day, I began praying for God to comfort my husband and my heart as the months went by, to give us patience for each other (because trying can definitely cause a strain in the marriage), patience for our miracle, and to open our minds to understand that He would give us a baby when we were fully ready.
And at that moment, during my first true trail, I failed. How could I ask for this miracle, and I still could not trust the Lord's timing? I repented. I began to pray even harder for patience and understanding. I recalled what many of our pastors have preached about; pray for what you want until He grants it to you. So, we continued praying.
In December, I was already two weeks late, so I figured I should try the pregnancy test. I got a negative result. Thinking, and hoping I was ovulating late, I used the ovulation strips, and they kept coming back with an error reading. A week went by, and the ovulation strips still read "error". Yes, I was frustrated and cursed the ovulation test strips for being cheap (bought a whole bunch off Amazon). I shared my frustration with my twin, and she (always knowing what to say), suggested I take another pregnancy test. And, here it was ... the moment I had been praying for. A positive result! I texted my hubby the picture of the test (he was at work), and sent the picture to all my sisters as well. The hubby called right away, and I could hear the smile he had on his face in his voice. I'm sure he heard mine as well. It was a beautiful belated Christmas gift.
