Pray for Strength

Today is the first day of the new year, and truth be told ... I haven't had real time to reflect on 2014.  But, going through my old pictures on FB, I came across this quote from Bruce Lee.  I don't recall to why I posted the picture; I didn't go through any hardship in 2014.  But, none the less, the quote is a good one. 

Life has given  me a few bumps in the road for me to grow.  I learned about how emotionally strong I could be, how I didn't die without certain individuals in my life, how I can move on pass anger and/or resentment, and how I've grown after all the pain and disappointment.

2014 has been great to me.  I shed tears of sorrow and tears of joy.  I've welcomed a new brother in law, and a new niece.  On the same day I attended my first "The Piano Guys" concert (LOVED it!), my boyfriend became my fiance.  I made the move back to my old work place and was greeted with smiles.  I am so proud of my sister for finishing nursing school.  I got to celebrate my mother's birthday on a cruise with 90% of my family.  And, I'm sure if I think extra hard, I can recall all the "not so happy" moments of 2014.  But, who would want to dwindle in that.  

God has continued to bless me.  He gives me strength.  With His guidance, I am blessed.

I Know Who Santa Is

My family didn't have much growing up.  We were considered the lower working middle class.  My parents made enough to pay for bills and feed us.  My parents did a great job hiding the fact that we had very little.  Our Christmas season was usually spent at church, and I never expect gifts.  But, when I was in the 6th grade, I came home to our very first Christmas tree.

I was so excited!  We hung lights that played Christmas carols, we had this huge bright star at the top, garlands of green and red hung from every branch, and the smell of pine danced around the living room.  We even had a few Christmas gifts underneath the tree.

Growing up, I never believed that there was a Santa Claus.  I don't ever recall asking my parents why Santa skipped our house every Christmas.    But this year, with a tree and gifts, I asked where my present came from.  My mother was very open and honest with me.  She explained that she had put all our names on a list at the local Salvation Army, and they put our names on a star, which was hung at the local shopping centers.  Some one picked my name and bought me a gift.

I am grateful for that some one.  Because of the kindness in their heart, I was able to experience a Hallmark Christmas; to feel that joy of opening gifts with my siblings Christmas morning.  I remember what my gifts were.  Three books (which probably lead to my love of reading) and an overall pant (which was way too long for me, but I wore the overalls until freshman year in high school).  My mom signed us up again for another year.  She never told us; we just came home to a tree, and gifts.  I am grateful for my mother.  In every circumstance, she is so resourceful.

Now, it's my turn to spread the joy.  To bring the same kind of happiness and warmth into another person's life.  I am privilege to be able to do so.  When I have babies, I will tell them that there is no Santa Claus.  They will know who gives them gifts, and who they can give gifts to.

The Right White Dress

 It's difficult to find clothes that fit right directly off the rack.  Especially when I'm extra petite (short) and a bit curvy (chubby).  Many silhouettes do not flatter me.  When it comes time to begin searching for a dress, know what you want, be open, trust the person helping you, and take your time!

I attended a bridal show with my ladies by my side.  We watched the fashion show, and like many girls .. we were in awe of all the dresses.  Every silhouette was an option.  Originally, I had booked an appointment with a big multi-chain bridal store in the city I was going to wed in.  Unfortunately, I couldn't make it due to my work schedule.
I did a lot of research for dresses in my price range, and settle on a designer whose collection I admire.  I saw that a trunk show was coming to a local boutique.  So, I made an appointment.  The day came, and I didn't know what to expect.  My two sisters joined me in my search.  The lady helping me was very professional.  She was attentive and gave me multiple options of silhouettes to choose from, and from the collection I had been eying.  Her patience endured as I tried on dress after dress.  She gave insightful suggestions, and at the end of two hours, I walked away knowing I picked the perfect dress.
Tip #1:  The color white will wash us (olive skin) out.  So, go with ivory.  My dress has a light gold undertone with an ivory lace.  Two of the dresses I tried on had that option, and those were the two I liked most.
Tip #2:  Try on a cut that you normally buy when dress shopping (whether for church, special occasion, or just to have), and then explore.  I normally buy pencil skirts or sheath dresses.  I geared towards those first, and then tried on the more traditional mermaid/trumpet, A-line, ball gown, and flare dresses.
Tip #3:  Ask if you can take pictures.  Some places won't allow it.  But, this little boutique suggested it right after I walked out from the dressing room.  It's nice to see how the dress will photograph on you.  Last thing this petite girl wants to see is a dress making her look even shorter.
Tip #4:  Go a bit dolled up.  Get your hair done is a similar style (more tone down though) to how you think you'd wear it on your wedding day.  Wear a little bit of make up.  That way, you can see the entire picture of "you", rather than just the dress.
Dress shopping was so much fun!  I learned a lot and can't wait for my other sisters to get married so I can help them find their dress.  

Modernizing Tradition

I love when the Hmong New Year Festival come around.  I grew up in Fresno, and it is the last place in the US to celebrate the event.  A lot of Hmong people make their way to Fresno after Christmas, and stay until the New Year is over. 

I love the traditional clothing that are being sold, the nic nacs, and especially the food!  I'm proud of my heritage, and once a year, we girls get all done up in our traditional outfits and take one portrait together with our mom.

We are attending a semi-traditional wedding tomorrow (my niece to be), and it's exciting.  They will wear the traditional outfit, and I wondered if I should wear mine when it comes to my big day.  My traditional Hmong Green outfit is bulky (not like the picture).  The Hmong Green outfit is a big pleated thick dress with lots of colors on it, wrapped onto the body with a bright pink and neon green sash.  We also wear heavy "statement" necklaces around our necks.  Don't forget, we have coins hanging on our sashes, and it's heavy too.

I will attempt to sew a more modern design of the outfit with the help of my mom.  I will also sew a matching vest for my fiance.  We will be the newly weds on our day, so we will be cheesy and match.

Daughter In Law

Sam's mom & I

In late June, I got engaged.  It's been a few months, and I find myself thinking from time to time "what kind of daughter in law will I be?"  In typical Hmong tradition, the daughter in law takes over most of the duties from the lady of the house (MIL): cooking, cleaning, taking care of the younger siblings.

From everything I've seen, heard, and read, most new daughter-in-laws (nyab) tend to do everything so their in-laws will favor them.  There are high expectations, and if you set the bar too high, what happens when you can no longer perform (ie: job, school, babies)?

Growing up, my mother made sure she engrained some Hmong traditions/culture into my sisters and I.  The typical: girls cook, girls clean, girls stay home, and they should already know what's to be done and not have to be told.   It was tough, and I certainly didn't appreciate it when I was younger.  But now, I can cook, I can take care of myself, I have a stable career, and I know part of that has something to do with the morals my mom instilled in me.

At the beginning of my relationship with my fiance, we both made it a priority to get to know each others' family.  In reality, you do marry the person ALONG with his/her family.  I needed to know and learn if I could picture myself with his family, and if he could fit in well with mine.  Our family comes right after our faith.  It was important that I felt comfortable around his family, and he be comfortable with mine.

Over the years, I have built a relationship with his mom.  I must say, I am lucky.  She's funny, enjoys the simple things, loves her children unconditionally, kind, and a whole lot more.  I know she will make my life as a daughter-in-law easy.  She is not afraid to ask for help, teaching me her ways of doing things, and leads me 100% of the way.

My soon to be husband will also make my married life easy.  Unless he's working, he's by my side at all times.  He speaks for me when I hesitate to, and he makes sure I'm always at ease around his family.  He's very intuitive and isn't a door mat.  He's the second eldest son, but is number seven out of eleven.  To me, he is his mother's favorite.  But, he says he only gets her attention, because when he's around her, he makes sure her needs are met. 

I'm not completely sure how different life will be after the wedding.  But, I'm confident that my mother raised me better, my new husband will help me be the best daughter in law I can be, and that my mother in law will love me for me.

Cloud, Wind, Sun, Moon, and the End.

Coming to the states, and marrying in the states, my mother had hope to give her children typical American English names.  Being one of the first born for my father, my grandfather insist that our names are to be as traditional as could be.  "Mai" would be traditional, but fortunately my mother named us according to Mother Nature. 

She gave my twin Fuab (cloud) and named me Cua (Wind).  I remember hearing the elders say "the wind pushes the clouds", that why Fuab was born first.  In all honesty, the doctors pulled her out first (via C-section).  A year later, my sister Hnub (sun) was born.  Two years after that, my sister Hli (moon).

After four girls, my two brothers joined our family.  My father wanted just one more boy, and *BAMM* .. my little sister was born.  My mother didn't want children after my baby sister, thus naming her Nkauj Ntshiab, meaning "the end".

A lot of the younger generation still carry the tradition of giving our children Hmong names.  We either just call them by their traditional name, or legally put it as their middle name.  One day, I hope to carry on the tradition of giving my children Hmong names.  

The Third Wheel

No matter your age, going on a date always required a sibling to tag along.  Any Hmong person will tell you that.  I wonder what the point of it all is.  My parents always said it's so that nothing "forbidden" would happen, and to stop anything that would bring "shame" to the family.

Analyzing the idea, it must runs deeper than what they told me.  These days, relationships are starting at younger ages.  Sometimes those relationships are abusive.  The sibling could be there to maybe warn the parents about it, or even convince their sister/brother to end the relationship.   It would definitely save the heartache of going through an abusive relationship.

I've only been the third wheel once.  My sister and I sat there watching Titanic while her date cried at the part where Rose lets Jack sink into the ocean.  We looked at him, looked at each other .. and wanted to laugh, but didn't.  It's still a memory we both giggle at when we chit chat.  I didn't mind being the third wheel.  Heck, I got to watch Titanic for free.