Modernizing Tradition

I love when the Hmong New Year Festival come around.  I grew up in Fresno, and it is the last place in the US to celebrate the event.  A lot of Hmong people make their way to Fresno after Christmas, and stay until the New Year is over. 

I love the traditional clothing that are being sold, the nic nacs, and especially the food!  I'm proud of my heritage, and once a year, we girls get all done up in our traditional outfits and take one portrait together with our mom.

We are attending a semi-traditional wedding tomorrow (my niece to be), and it's exciting.  They will wear the traditional outfit, and I wondered if I should wear mine when it comes to my big day.  My traditional Hmong Green outfit is bulky (not like the picture).  The Hmong Green outfit is a big pleated thick dress with lots of colors on it, wrapped onto the body with a bright pink and neon green sash.  We also wear heavy "statement" necklaces around our necks.  Don't forget, we have coins hanging on our sashes, and it's heavy too.

I will attempt to sew a more modern design of the outfit with the help of my mom.  I will also sew a matching vest for my fiance.  We will be the newly weds on our day, so we will be cheesy and match.

Daughter In Law

Sam's mom & I

In late June, I got engaged.  It's been a few months, and I find myself thinking from time to time "what kind of daughter in law will I be?"  In typical Hmong tradition, the daughter in law takes over most of the duties from the lady of the house (MIL): cooking, cleaning, taking care of the younger siblings.

From everything I've seen, heard, and read, most new daughter-in-laws (nyab) tend to do everything so their in-laws will favor them.  There are high expectations, and if you set the bar too high, what happens when you can no longer perform (ie: job, school, babies)?

Growing up, my mother made sure she engrained some Hmong traditions/culture into my sisters and I.  The typical: girls cook, girls clean, girls stay home, and they should already know what's to be done and not have to be told.   It was tough, and I certainly didn't appreciate it when I was younger.  But now, I can cook, I can take care of myself, I have a stable career, and I know part of that has something to do with the morals my mom instilled in me.

At the beginning of my relationship with my fiance, we both made it a priority to get to know each others' family.  In reality, you do marry the person ALONG with his/her family.  I needed to know and learn if I could picture myself with his family, and if he could fit in well with mine.  Our family comes right after our faith.  It was important that I felt comfortable around his family, and he be comfortable with mine.

Over the years, I have built a relationship with his mom.  I must say, I am lucky.  She's funny, enjoys the simple things, loves her children unconditionally, kind, and a whole lot more.  I know she will make my life as a daughter-in-law easy.  She is not afraid to ask for help, teaching me her ways of doing things, and leads me 100% of the way.

My soon to be husband will also make my married life easy.  Unless he's working, he's by my side at all times.  He speaks for me when I hesitate to, and he makes sure I'm always at ease around his family.  He's very intuitive and isn't a door mat.  He's the second eldest son, but is number seven out of eleven.  To me, he is his mother's favorite.  But, he says he only gets her attention, because when he's around her, he makes sure her needs are met. 

I'm not completely sure how different life will be after the wedding.  But, I'm confident that my mother raised me better, my new husband will help me be the best daughter in law I can be, and that my mother in law will love me for me.