Daughter In Law

Sam's mom & I

In late June, I got engaged.  It's been a few months, and I find myself thinking from time to time "what kind of daughter in law will I be?"  In typical Hmong tradition, the daughter in law takes over most of the duties from the lady of the house (MIL): cooking, cleaning, taking care of the younger siblings.

From everything I've seen, heard, and read, most new daughter-in-laws (nyab) tend to do everything so their in-laws will favor them.  There are high expectations, and if you set the bar too high, what happens when you can no longer perform (ie: job, school, babies)?

Growing up, my mother made sure she engrained some Hmong traditions/culture into my sisters and I.  The typical: girls cook, girls clean, girls stay home, and they should already know what's to be done and not have to be told.   It was tough, and I certainly didn't appreciate it when I was younger.  But now, I can cook, I can take care of myself, I have a stable career, and I know part of that has something to do with the morals my mom instilled in me.

At the beginning of my relationship with my fiance, we both made it a priority to get to know each others' family.  In reality, you do marry the person ALONG with his/her family.  I needed to know and learn if I could picture myself with his family, and if he could fit in well with mine.  Our family comes right after our faith.  It was important that I felt comfortable around his family, and he be comfortable with mine.

Over the years, I have built a relationship with his mom.  I must say, I am lucky.  She's funny, enjoys the simple things, loves her children unconditionally, kind, and a whole lot more.  I know she will make my life as a daughter-in-law easy.  She is not afraid to ask for help, teaching me her ways of doing things, and leads me 100% of the way.

My soon to be husband will also make my married life easy.  Unless he's working, he's by my side at all times.  He speaks for me when I hesitate to, and he makes sure I'm always at ease around his family.  He's very intuitive and isn't a door mat.  He's the second eldest son, but is number seven out of eleven.  To me, he is his mother's favorite.  But, he says he only gets her attention, because when he's around her, he makes sure her needs are met. 

I'm not completely sure how different life will be after the wedding.  But, I'm confident that my mother raised me better, my new husband will help me be the best daughter in law I can be, and that my mother in law will love me for me.