We were blessed in September 2016 when our little girl came into this world. We then welcomed our little boy this pass December. Coming home with him and settling in, I felt like my little family was complete.
My husband returned to work. My sisters and sister in law went back home. And here I was with my toddler and new born. Life hit me, and it hit hard.
I was planning on breastfeeding, my milk had come in. But, I lacked the patience to teach my new born how to feed. I had no patience for my toddler to adjust to sharing her mother. I found myself in a dark space with two little ones needing me to be at 100%. I shared my feelings with my husband and sister. Their words of encouragement and their concern for me was heartfelt. I figured it was enough to help me get out of this dark place. But, my heart needed more.
Motherhood is a journey. Every day I choose to be better for my babies. But, the baby blues were harder to push away this time around. I needed more to help me get through this.
And he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9a
Grace and peace be multiplied to you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord.
2 Peter 1:2
I looked at my children and had no desire to take care of them. And, knowing that - mom guilt set in. I felt awful for not wanting to do the very basic for them. I knew I needed more than just myself to get pass this. So, I lean on God's strength to get me out of bed, to love my children and to rest when they did. With God's help, I didn't beat myself up over the fact that I felt what I felt. I knew the feeling was temporary and that it would pass when my son got older, when my daughter adjusted, and when my hormones balanced itself.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you: not as the world gives. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13
It definitely was a day to day battle. Maybe, more so an hour to hour battle. But, it got easier each day. Before I realized it, I no longer was concern about being by myself with my babies. I knew I could handle them alone; they were not going to be "too much" to take care of. My son is now 2 months old. He is such a big boy and brings me so much joy. My daughter has adjusted to sharing me and she is so helpful in throwing away diapers. I no longer feel this sadness when it comes to taking care of my children. I am a confident mother of two.
My life is a beautiful blessing. I have a great support system with a great husband, a wonderful family loving on me, and with a Lord giving me that extra strength/courage/assurance when I need it.
That's one of the things I fear the the most when Luke arrives. I'm afraid of not being able to meet Hannah's needs as well as Luke's. Thanks for sharing. I know the struggle and I hope I will be as strong as you when it comes my time.
ReplyDeleteI cried a lot at the beginning because I felt like I had abandoned Brie to take care of Luke. But, it got easier when I gasp the concept of their schedules. I tailored their sleep patterns. With God, you can do it too. *hugs* I will be praying for you and will be thinking of you when your Luke is here.
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