Two Babies: Two and Under

We were blessed in September 2016 when our little girl came into this world.  We then welcomed our little boy this pass December.  Coming home with him and settling in, I felt like my little family was complete.

My husband returned to work.  My sisters and sister in law went back home.  And here I was with my toddler and new born.  Life hit me, and it hit hard.

I was planning on breastfeeding, my milk had come in.  But, I lacked the patience to teach my new born how to feed.  I had no patience for my toddler to adjust to sharing her mother.  I found myself in a dark space with two little ones needing me to be at 100%.  I shared my feelings with my husband and sister.  Their words of encouragement and their concern for me was heartfelt.  I figured it was enough to help me get out of this dark place.  But, my heart needed more.

Motherhood is a journey.  Every day I choose to be better for my babies.  But, the baby blues were harder to push away this time around.  I needed more to help me get through this.

And he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9a
Grace and peace be multiplied to you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord.
2 Peter 1:2

I looked at my children and had no desire to take care of them.  And, knowing that - mom guilt set in.  I felt awful for not wanting to do the very basic for them.  I knew I needed more than just myself to get pass this.  So, I lean on God's strength to get me out of bed, to love my children and to rest when they did.  With God's help, I didn't beat myself up over the fact that I felt what I felt.  I knew the feeling was temporary and that it would pass when my son got older, when my daughter adjusted, and when my hormones balanced itself. 

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you: not as the world gives.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

It definitely was a day to day battle.  Maybe, more so an hour to hour battle.  But, it got easier each day.  Before I realized it, I no longer was concern about being by myself with my babies.  I knew I could handle them alone; they were not going to be "too much" to take care of.  My son is now 2 months old.  He is such a big boy and brings me so much joy.  My daughter has adjusted to sharing me and she is so helpful in throwing away diapers.  I no longer feel this sadness when it comes to taking care of my children.  I am a confident mother of two.

My life is a beautiful blessing.  I have a great support system with a great husband, a wonderful family loving on me, and with a Lord giving me that extra strength/courage/assurance when I need it.